Since 24 March 2018 I haven’t seen or heard from my 2 boys, Loic and Edouard, at the time they were 6 and 8 years old.
Obviously it wasn’t their choice.
Upon our separation their mother decided she wanted to raise the kids by herself and as she doesn’t share, she has been doing everything in her power to keep them away from me.
We were living in Abu Dhabi, U.A.E. and as I couldn’t find a job over there anymore, I decided to come back to Belgium. I was hoping I’d be able to stay in touch with them through other means but she wasn’t going to have it.
My dream is to go back to the U.A.E. to have a part in their lives though I won’t be able to count on her goodwill for it. She has changed her phone number, refused to reply to any of my emails.
My kids don’t even get to play anymore with their old friends, out of fear that someone would tell them about me.
This is textbook Parental Alienation by a narcissist parent.
Parental alienation syndrome, a term coined in the 1980s by child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner, occurs when one parent attempts to turn the couple’s children against the other parent. A parent who is angry at the spouse or ex-spouse accomplishes this estrangement by painting a negative picture of the other parent via deprecating comments, blame, and false accusations shared with the children. They may also “hoard” the kids, doing all they can to thwart the other parent from spending time with them.
An alienating parent often shows either narcissistic or borderline tendencies.
Narcissistic individuals tend to be self-absorbed, and most centrally, they show deficits in their ability to listen to others’ differing perspectives. Instead, they hyper-focus on what they themselves want, think, feel, and believe—without taking others’ desires and ideas into consideration.
An alienating parent who is higher in narcissism may aim to use the children as weapons or pawns in his/her battle to “destroy” the other parent. These individuals often claim to be protecting the children against the “evil” other. However, by using the children in their perpetual fight to hurt the other parent, they often show little consideration for what is in the best interests of the child.
Typically, kids benefit by the presence of both parents. They do not benefit—and indeed can be harmed—when one of their parents portrays the other in a relentlessly negative light. Similarly, they are often harmed by parents who fight their way through divorce and post-divorce. They are harmed when parents put them in the middle of their power battles. They are harmed when a parent uses them to accomplish their own angry agenda, ignoring the needs of the children.